FFS (Advice NEEDED)

Another long, tedious and boring as hell week, or so it seems when you're hardly interested in what you're supposed to be learning.

When I first started this course, I was split 50/50 about whether or not I really wanted a career in Nursing and sadly, I must admit that the more we get into it, the less appealing it becomes. :( Don't get me wrong, I do like the idea of helping others with their 'regular' activities of daily living, etc. BUT, when it comes to bathing, changing and feeding the elderly every day, I'm not at all comfortable with the idea.

I hate when people suggest I'll get used to it, as that isn't the issue ... the point is that I am NOT comfortable - whether it be putting Depends on somebody, cleaning the mess up after they've worn one, slipping a catheter into their urethra, and so on. The reason I ramble on about such things is because I've already a placement in a Nursing Home if I want it. *Shakes head*

God how I wish I was doing something more girly, more ME. Perhaps Esthetics, Cosmetology, etc, you get the idea. Not to mention, I've worked at my desk nearly 6 years as a graphic/web developer and this is a rather drastic change in my opinion. The course was paid for however, as it's in much demand around here - so I thought, 'why not'. Ignoring those that said to me time and time again "This is something you've really got to want to do." Yeah.

I wish I could just skip all the classes and job shadowing placements and just get the certificate, know what I mean? Only because I dread going into the Nursing Home. I'd be more interested in going in and spending time with these people in a supportive or recreational way if that makes sense. Company for them ...

The only thing keeping me there honestly is the thought of knowing I'll be able to work in either a group home, rehab or VON. Though again, not really want I want to do with my life. I guess that's what happens when you're 37 before trying to get your shit together and start over.

1st Weigh In of the Summer Challenge!

Sorry, a few days late ... image was taken Saturday evening, tsk tsk - I know!



Down 2 pounds, I'll take it. :)

Here's to a GREAT week!

Smoking and school =(

Seriously I need some advice here.

I smoked nearly 18 years, quit for 4 and over the past 5-6 months have been smoking again. Mind you, before I was smoking a pack a day, and now I'm smoking approx 10 a day. But I seem to be smoking more and more as the days go by. Pack lasted me for 4-5 days, now it's 3 days if I'm lucky ... I very MUCH want to stop, and every pack is the last ... if you catch my drift. One excuse after another I have ... I desperately want to run more, right now, I'm lucky if I can run for 5 minutes at a time, I DO blame it on the smoking.

I remember when I stopped the last time, just out of the blue (as cliche as it may sound) I felt soooo much better! Why is it so difficult this time? I'm on anti-depressants due to some emotional issues (unhealthy relationship had ended, lost my home, good job, etc, etc), Ok, maybe I just answered my own question ... or is that just another excuse? I'm trying to lose the weight I've gained as well, so again - I use the lighting up as an excuse, my 'having a puff' instead of something to munch on, do you know what I mean?

I hate the well it smells, my God, I feel ashamed for starting again.

I'm running out of time already, but have to comment on the Nursing course I'm taking ... in short, it's actually a 'CCA' course, 'continuing care assistant' and while I very much want to be in a profession where I'm helping others, I just cannot see myself doing the 'perennial care' of it. (Washing genitals, etc) in a nursing home. Doesn't make me a bad person, I just don't feel comfortable with it. Our placement (job shadowing) isn't for another 2 months, yet I DREAD the day it comes because I'm not at all interested.

Why'd I decide to take it? Well, several reasons. Financial security, a better life for me and my kids and so on ... but to be honest, it didn't interest me from the beginning, but it's paid for (high demand in the area) and we're guaranteed a full-time job in the end in a nursing home. THAT I DO NOT WANT. I realize I'll be able to work in the Rehab, for the VON as well as group homes ... those ARE of interest, but not the nursing home atmosphere.

I'll post more about it at a later time, just wanted to get it off my chest. :(

Summer Challenge!

Yay! My first weight loss challenge ... and boy do I need the motivation! Thankfully, I do feel ready. :) I have to admit, that today wasn't the greatest start, but it was a holiday here and I wanted to enjoy the day without worry, so I don't feel guilty at all.

I started my day off with a coffee (guilty vice, one that I've really no intentions on ever giving up!) but it's with milk and only one sugar, again, I feel no shame!

However ... I did drink 2 beer today while playing washer toss in the sun ... o well.

Supper was great, a healthy, low fat, low cal Chicken Enchilada and small fruit salad without anything added.

I hate to admit it, but I'm up a pound and half since last week - but I'm confident all will work out, also, no exercise today aside from the washer toss.

Alright, the scale image I'm hating to show for all to see! (I know, they look dirty LOL)



Challenge Goals

1. To lose 25 pounds. (Will bring me down to 145lbs and at a safe 2lb a week loss!)
2. Strength train twice a week regularly.
3. Follow and comment on at least 3 other participates weekly.
4. Post at least one picture and recipe of a meal I've prepared weekly.

5. HAVE FUN AND ENJOY IT!

5 pounds!

Not sure how I managed to pull this off, but kudos to me anyway. :) I knew I had a good week (with the eating for sure) not as much exercise as I would've liked, but anyway. I'm happy.

18 pounds to go by my birthday ... though I hope that isn't too much of a goal.

Got rid our Husky today. :( I figured it would be for the best, as she spends her days in a kennel and we just haven't the time and/or energy some days. She's gone to a great family, so I feel OK about it. One of my sons isn't very impressed though, but I'm hoping that despite the fact he's not please, he at least understands. We've still a Maltese, though he doesn't have the same energy as the larger dog - which actually, makes things a little easier. Anyway. I'll leave that for tomorrow as I'm in a hurry now and just wanted to post my weight loss!

Great Week!

I'm really quite proud of myself this week and can't wait to weigh in tomorrow ... very hard to NOT jump on the scales before hand, but I'll wait. :)

I've tried something a little different though. You know how magazines, doctors, etc, are always preaching we have a larger breakfast, medium sized lunch then an even smaller meal in the evening? I've tried it and let me know tell you, it HAS made a difference. At least when it came to evening/night time hunger which has always been my downfall.

Because of not feeling that great however, my exercise hasn't been what it should've been and I've only been walking instead of my usual elliptical and such, but still - it's been a great 30-40 minutes these past 4 evenings in a row.

I've also been trying to work a bit on my kids eating habits, lunches have always been a pain in the ass for me - and often meant grabbing any lose change we could find and whatever was boxed and 'snackish', granola bars, puddings, etc.

This week, I'd made them chicken wraps (whole wheat pita, shredded cooked chicken, baby spinach, red pepper, sprinkle of cheese and a little mustard) and they actually liked them! Lol Zip-locked some baby carrots and celery sticks, fat free jellos and grapes and/or oranges and they were happy. :) Yay!

HELP!

Omg ... if there's one thing I need advice about, it's the almighty smelly cigarette. :( My son made a comment the other day, and not a very kind one about my smoking, though I know it's because he's worried about me.

Almost daily, I swear I'm going to stop, but you know I don't. I do smoke outside, but they can still smell it and my Gawd, I know them wanting me to stop should be enough, right?

C'mon WILLPOWER.