Seriously I need some advice here.
I smoked nearly 18 years, quit for 4 and over the past 5-6 months have been smoking again. Mind you, before I was smoking a pack a day, and now I'm smoking approx 10 a day. But I seem to be smoking more and more as the days go by. Pack lasted me for 4-5 days, now it's 3 days if I'm lucky ... I very MUCH want to stop, and every pack is the last ... if you catch my drift. One excuse after another I have ... I desperately want to run more, right now, I'm lucky if I can run for 5 minutes at a time, I DO blame it on the smoking.
I remember when I stopped the last time, just out of the blue (as cliche as it may sound) I felt soooo much better! Why is it so difficult this time? I'm on anti-depressants due to some emotional issues (unhealthy relationship had ended, lost my home, good job, etc, etc), Ok, maybe I just answered my own question ... or is that just another excuse? I'm trying to lose the weight I've gained as well, so again - I use the lighting up as an excuse, my 'having a puff' instead of something to munch on, do you know what I mean?
I hate the well it smells, my God, I feel ashamed for starting again.
I'm running out of time already, but have to comment on the Nursing course I'm taking ... in short, it's actually a 'CCA' course, 'continuing care assistant' and while I very much want to be in a profession where I'm helping others, I just cannot see myself doing the 'perennial care' of it. (Washing genitals, etc) in a nursing home. Doesn't make me a bad person, I just don't feel comfortable with it. Our placement (job shadowing) isn't for another 2 months, yet I DREAD the day it comes because I'm not at all interested.
Why'd I decide to take it? Well, several reasons. Financial security, a better life for me and my kids and so on ... but to be honest, it didn't interest me from the beginning, but it's paid for (high demand in the area) and we're guaranteed a full-time job in the end in a nursing home. THAT I DO NOT WANT. I realize I'll be able to work in the Rehab, for the VON as well as group homes ... those ARE of interest, but not the nursing home atmosphere.
I'll post more about it at a later time, just wanted to get it off my chest. :(
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
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2 comments:
I quit smoking cold turkey about a year ago, and found it to be a pretty easy thing. It was much easier than losing weight, thats for sure! I think the key is, you can't let yourself freak out about not having a cigarette, and if you start smoking again, you can't beat yourself up about it. Things happen, and we all deal with them the best we can. If something you're trying isn't working, and you keep on trying, well, maybe you just need a different way of trying.
But until then, if you make yourself feel guilty about smoking, then you're just going to feel guilty when you smoke. When you're ready to try again, try again. Its okay.
Still waiting for your Friday weigh in... Good luck on the upcoming week as well.
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